A quick look shows I’ve been keeping this blog off and on since July of 2003. I can’t even begin to put into words how much my life has changed in that time. I’ve changed jobs a few times (all within the same company, though), I’ve met the man I married, my mom and aunt have overcome breast cancer, I lost family members, I met new friends, I lost touch with older friends, I got a fish, I got a dog…like I said, a lot.
There have been years when I’ve written a lot on this screen. I have poured out my heart to no one in particular. I have wept through posts and laughed through others. I have done my best to be real, authentic and 100% Emily. My life has changed in big ways, and I have changed right along with it.
At 32, I am more secure in myself than I have ever been. I am still fighting the same old battles – weight, self-esteeem – but I am learning who I am and who I am supposed to be. And, yet, here I am.
I struggle a lot when I think of blogging these days. The blogs I read are full of pictures, or have a specific purpose, or something. Mine is more just my random thoughts. The little bar on the right says 55 people follow this blog, but I wonder how many really read it.
I haven’t blogged for a month. Because I don’t know what to say anymore. I need a plan and a purpose for this thing. Or, I need to let it die quietly. I feel like it’s been resurrected for me a few times – but sometimes it feels very self-serving to write, especially when I don’t think I really have all that much to say.
So, as I work through all of that, I am still a little MIA. I don’t want to blog just to fill up the page. But I’m also bad at making time to actually sit and do it. I guess my blog is a little like me right now – undefined.