Downpour on My Soul

There are so many different emotions pouring through me right now, I feel like I’m flooded. I can’t place them or give them names. I don’t know where some of them are coming from or where some of them are leading. I am on the verge of tears one moment and almost giddy the next. It’s hard to understand. These song lyrics have been going through my head for three days now:

Lift me up – when I’m falling
Lift me up – I’m weak and I’m dying
Lift me up – I need you to hold me
Lift me up – keep me from drowning again

Downpour on my soul
Splashing in the ocean, I’m losing control
Dark sky all around
I can’t feel my feet touching the ground

Calm the storms that drench my eyes
Dry the streams still flowing
Cast down all the waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me

Lift me up – when I’m falling
Lift me up – I’m weak and I’m dying
Lift me up – I need you to hold me
Lift me up – keep me from drowning again (Jars of Clay “Flood”)

The strange thing is that there is nothing really going on in my life to instigate any of these feelings. I can’t point to anything fantastic that is any different, but at the same time, I can’t find anything BAD, either. It’s a strange place to be. Part of it, I know, is empathy. I have a friend who I love to pieces, and she’s feeling out of sorts and out of place. Her work environment is changing, her sister is going through some tough times, and there is just something under the surface, lurking, and wondering if there is more to life than where she is at. It is strange. It hit me last night. I felt emotionally drained and unable to figure out the reason behind it.

…I just came back from lunch with my oldest friend in the world. We’ve known each other since we were in elementary school. Without saying anything to me, I think I figured out part of it. Girl Time. The busier I get, the harder it is for me to find girl time. I need that in my life. I need my friends. And I need my circle of friends to grow a little bit. Being with Rene is refreshing. It’s easy. It doesn’t take anything except showing up.

Who knows what all is going on? Not me. I guess we go through these times. I feel guilty being down because there’s no real ‘reason.’ But just because life is good doesn’t mean I have to stop feeling, does it?

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