Hi. My name is Emily and I’m a scaredy cat. Or, more precisely, I am NOT a risk taker. At all. Risks scare me, make me nervous and make my tummy hurt.
I also like to have things planned out about 1,700 steps in advance. Which makes living life somewhat difficult sometimes. I am trying so hard to be better about living in the moment. I know that is all I can really be sure about anyway, but it’s still so hard to do!
I know I’ve talked about the magnet my mom has on her fridge before – “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” The list of things I would do if I knew I couldn’t fail is pretty long – I’d write that book, audition for that dream role, try harder to be a public speaker, open my pajama store, go back to school – the list goes on and on.
The truth is, though, that my fear of failure means that I struggle – making the time to write is hard when only a small part of me believes I could be successful – body-image issues make me believe I could never have that dream part – I don’t feel like what I have to say is all that important – I don’t even know how to open a store – and school is too expensive, blah, blah, blah.
None of my reasons are valid, but they are the justifications I find myself saying over and over again why I don’t take the risk, don’t do the things I love, don’t want to stick my neck out there and just try.
Why am I wired like that? I don’t know. Why do I let the fear of failure keep me from even attempting to spread my wings? I can’t say. It is something I just don’t like about myself. It’s something that I struggle with regularly.
I want to be able to risk more. Heck, I want to be able to risk everything. But, in the end, I’m just a scaredy cat who needs more courage.