Has it really been that long since I’ve written anything here? I guess it has…so here you go, dear readers!
Post mission trip life has been nothing if not chaotic. I have lived the last month as a bundle of raw nerves, ready to explode or breakdown at any given moment. The first worship service back from the trip was an emotional rollercoaster for me. I cried my way through the hour of service, and then wanted to do nothing more than withdraw into my own little shell. But, that was impossible.
See, I work at a church. And last sunday was Easter. There are few things in the world like experiencing Easter from the other side at a church with over 3,000 people. For two weeks straight the people I am closest to here built a Bridge, worked on graphics and music, decorated, planned, and made sure that the real meaning of the Resurrection was not lost in the shuffle. It was amazing to watch, but hard at the same time.
As much as I hate it, I think I am going through a needy stage in my life. I want nothing more than to be close to the people I love the most. I want to touch them, to laugh with them, to be held by them. I want to cry for no reason at all and I want to laugh because it feels good to do so. I want someone to play with my hair until I fall asleep. I want to breathe the same air of the people I love. I want to feel them near me. I want their energy to be my energy.
The last two weeks have made that almost impossible. The people I love at work were consumed by the events leading up to Easter. Tim worked until midnight or 1 every night. My roommate has enough on her plate without having to worry about me. Liz is in Indy. I don’t know why I feel this way right now, but I know I don’t like it at all. It’s a strange feeling. I want to be with them, but I don’t really want to have to talk. I want to feel their love near me, but I do not want to have to explain myself. I want them to just understand.